


Two Sons

by love2imagine



Category: White Collar
Genre: Humour, Mean!Peter, Warning - my humour strange!, Wastrel!Neal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-01
Updated: 2015-05-01
Packaged: 2018-03-26 16:28:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3857308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/love2imagine/pseuds/love2imagine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Please do not be offended, I mean no offence to anyone! It is a joke! I couldn't resist! It was a story to begin with! Not sure exactly whom to credit without making some people mad one way or the other!</p><p>White Collar Characters belong to Jeff Eastin or USA or someone - NOT ME. This is just for fun! Vague reference to the Pilot!</p><p>Other characters from Another Source, not mine. Story His, mangled adaptation of said story, mine.</p><p>King James Version Copyright and Usage Information<br/>from:<br/>http://www.studylight.org/info/copyright/bible/en_kjv.html:<br/>"This translation of the Holy Bible is in the Public Domain, except for in Great Britain, so feel free to copy." This is adapted from Luke 15.</p><p>If you live in Great Britain, think twice before reading this story!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Sons

**Author's Note:**

  * For [danajeanne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/danajeanne/gifts).



 

 

A certain very well-off man had two sons:

And one fine day the younger of them, Neal,  said to his father, “Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me.” And the Father divided unto them his living.

And not many days after, the younger son, Neal, gathered it all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living. He enjoyed himself immensely, made more money by forgery, and theft, and other unlawful acts and enjoyed more riotous living!

And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want.

And he went and joined himself to a proud and rich citizen of that country, one Mr. Adler, and Mr. Adler sent him into his fields to feed swine. (Because Mr Adler was a mean and nasty man, though he dressed well.)

And Neal was so disgusted with his situation, and what the pig swill and droppings did to his clothing and his shoes, and he was so hungry that he almost would have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him.

And when he came to himself, he said, “How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven, I have committed all kinds of terrible crimes, and I have sinned before thee, and am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants’.”

And one fine day in June he arose, took his leave of Mr. Adler, who was deeply sorry to see him go despite being a mean and nasty man, and came to his father, carefully rehearsing his speech. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.

And Neal took a deep breath and said unto him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son. I have committed many crimes…”

But the father clicked his fingers and said to his servants, “Bring forth the best Devore suit, silk shirt and silk tie, and put it on him; bring the diamond tie-pin and cuff-links and put our ring on his hand and loaded credit cards in his wallet; and put those perfectly fitting hand-made Italian leather shoes we had made for him upon his feet.

“Ready the beautiful suite with the stupendous view overlooking Manhattan for him with the closet filled with sumptuous clothing!

“And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; bring forth the very best wine and open it, and let us eat, and be merry! Let the minstrels play! For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.”

And Neal softened with love for his graceful and generous father.

 

 And they began to be merry.

 

Now the well-off man’s elder son, Peter, was always exceedingly hard-working and diligent. He was a field agent, out working in the field: and as he came and drew nigh to the house, late back as usual because of his hard, hard working, he heard musick and dancing.And he called one of the servants, and asked what these things meant, for he did not know…(I call to your remembrance, he was always working late.)

And the servant said unto him, “Thy brother is come; and thy father hath killed the fatted calf, because he hath received him safe and sound, he put upon him the Devore robe and the silken shirt and silken tie; diamond tie-pin and cuff links; and the ring of inheritance upon his finger and new loaded credit cards into his wallet, and new perfectly-fitted Italian shoes upon his feet.

"And that was before he even washed the pig-smell off his body!”

 

And hearing all that had been done for Neal, Peter was exceedingly angry, and would not go in: therefore came his father out, and entreated him.

And Peter, answering his father with resentment, pointed out how special he was as a field agent and said, “Lo, these many years I have served and protected with fidelity and bravery and integrity, I have certain things because of the work I do…I never transgressed any Law or Commandment: and yet thou never gavest me even a very small goat, that I might make merry with my friends!

"The amount of work I do equals certain things in the real world not - cappuccino in the clouds! I admit the very small goat would have been a bonus.

“But as soon as _this_ thy _son_ was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou hast given him a Devore suit, a silken shirt and silken tie; diamond tie-pin and cuff-links; Italian hand-made leather shoes; a fedora hat; a beautiful loft with a view worth millions to live in and enjoy; a 22-year-old art student to observe; the ring of inheritance; loaded credit cards in his wallet and thou hast killed for him the fatted calf!

"He’s conning you! This is what gets him into trouble. This is the start of those something-for-nothing schemes that lead to the frauds that get him locked up!”

 

And the well-off man looked upon him with great sadness and he said unto him, “Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine.You have never before this season expressed any interest in having a kid! It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found."

 

And the elder brother Peter, the very hard working and diligent special field agent, did perservere in his standing and glowering, and so the well-off man continued and said,

“But truly, Son, if you feel this strongly about it, and have so little love and generosity in your heart, why don’t you leave us to our partying and rejoicing and, lest you dampen the homecoming of my younger son, and lest you become bitter in your heart towards us by reason of the noise of our celebration that will keep you from your well-earned sleep and that might keep you from your hard work in the field, I think it meet that you should go and spend a week at the Empire Motel.

"I know you well, son, and knew that you would have booked a room for your younger brother there if you had the making of this homecoming, so I merely paid a little extra for the room to be in your name.

“Good-bye for a time, my special field agent son. Somehow, for a week, the estate will manage quite well without you.

“Oh, and in case you had forgotten, you already had your half of the inheritance from me, my oldest son, and who said anything at all about Neal and harlots?”

 

And the well-off man returned to the party, feeling that he had already wasted enough time.

And as he went he thought, ‘ _A fedora! Now why didn’t I think of that? Neal would look great in a fedora!’_

 

 

The End.

 

Yes, totally silly and some might think a little offensive. If that is you, I am sorry, and repeat that it was a story to begin with! It just seemed to be begging to be written. And of course the father in the Original Story is loving to both sons!

 I always love comments!

 


End file.
